Learning to Befriend What You Hate
Emotions. Those mysterious, pervasive, sometimes hard to deal with impulses we try so hard to either dodge, or carefully preserve. Those things we can't quite pair with words yet live every day trying to make sense of. Happiness, sadness, horror, awe, joy, envy, fear, excitement, confusion, boredom, disgust, anxiety. One minute bliss, the next, hate.
Am I the only one feeling defeated after trying and failing at defining my emotions? I like to think I'm not. Or rather, I know I'm not.
I believe we are all given a fundamental ability to construct opinions based on the observations we build in the situations we encounter. Slowly but surely we find comfortability in voicing these personal opinions and soon, the seemingly profound and individualistic ideas take residence in the ever-expanding framework of the consciousness that narrates our story.
When people begin to employ malleability in their perceptions and understandings, everyone benefits. When we make a genuine effort to hear multiple sides of a story without a pervasive bias, we develop empathy. Empathy that helps us gain admirable complexity in our relationships. Empathy that characterizes us as chivalrous world citizens. Empathy that strengthens a benevolent and humanitarian scope progressing a life towards peace, fulfillment, purpose, and valuable impact. This peace and purpose brought forth from an empathetic and deeper understanding of human nature, in turn, nurtures vulnerability.
Up until recently, expressing vulnerability has defined a weak, and even immature personality. With the evolution of societies comes fast-paced lifestyles, hard souls, and constricted spirits. No place for the eager to dissect their own emotion, one of the most treasured acts of human existence we fail to recognize, study daily, and talk openly about. It has become natural to feel uncomfortable in the presence of someone crying, as if it were embarrassing for them or signified *gasp* instability. But, as of new, there has been a dramatic mind shift in favor of vulnerability, like it's some kind of golden ticket to a successful relationship, colorful life, or greater understanding of thyself. It wasn't until recently that people began to understand the ways expressing softness in vulnerability led to developing greater emotional intelligence and intrapersonal wisdom vital to human growth.
Rarely (if ever) is there a curriculum in junior and high school involving the study of the individual's feelings. We aren't taught how to welcome complex feelings in order to strengthen our understanding of the insecurities and sensitivities we wake in the morning alongside and sit in the dark with. What type of good does this do for societies? Why aren't basic sociology and psychology classes required in school during the troublesome time period teens begin rapidly developing detrimental expectations for themselves? Don't kids deserve that? It's hard to talk about these things with fragile adolescents but everything worth doing comes with difficulty and reward, right? What harm is done by talking about emotions and mental health?
Emotions can dictate how we experience actions and words. Emotions are shaped and transformed by our morals and values. Emotions are thoughts turned physical, thoughts felt deeply. Emotions are triggered by our passions and fears. Emotions are powerful. We act on emotions. We build bridges or burn bridges in moments of deep emotion. We dig emotional holes that breed harmful habits. We can act illogically out of emotion.
We stress about things but fail to realize that it is not the thing or events causing our stress, it is our reaction to the event which causes us stress. Stress is a powerful feeling. Emotions can cause stress and vise versa. Stress can cause fluctuating emotions. We are who were are because of things we've felt, seen, and heard, and how we've dealt with and absorbed that which is presented. We need to understand that we can control these things by opening ourselves up, letting the walls down, starving the ego, and saying no.
It's common for people to feel and act blind to the power they have in harnessing and regulating their thoughts, emotions, habits, and addictions. The hardest step for some is simply believing and assuming all power in their lives. People like to feel that their life has spiraled out of control by an external element that they needn't feel bothered by. We fail to see how our reactions play the biggest role in the whole experience, which are pliable and controllable. We need to rethink our interactions on all fronts, internally and outwardly. We should nurture our emotions if we want to nurture those of someone else. And we must recognize the benefits in welcoming all emotions with grace and acceptance.
Final Thoughts
What harm do we cause by over-emphasizing happiness as the single most important way to live our life? Why can't we allow people to feel the full range of their emotions? Can we learn to let people go through periods of sadness? Can we start to feel comfortable sitting beside them in support and genuine love and acceptance?
Are you ever anxious upon realizing that you are the single person responsible for all the decisions you make, trouble you fuel, trail you blaze, or the path you follow?
Is there any harm in expanding upon the effects ego, greed, and evil have on our psyche? If we are not aware of these characteristics within ourselves and society we will turn into poisonous beings, harming those around us.
When we constantly try to silence what we truly feel, we bury important individual phases under the rug for later contemplation and resolution, instead of observing them as they pass to acquire a new ability to navigate the waters in the coming months and years.
Control is not winning the fight over unfavorable emotions by muting them. Control is in recognition, fluidity, acceptance, and forgiveness. When we control in this manner, our emotions sit passenger seat, less affected by waste and excess, while our conscious shifts to a more mindful and sustainable outlook.