Beauty in the Breakdown

I'm lounging in my pastel-blue, fluorescently lit, single-person room situated third story on a main touristic street in Rishikesh, trying so carefully to hold onto this moment of clarity and confusion. Wait, wait, wait, did I just coin this mental, physical, and emotional breakdown a moment of clarity?  

I've made it to the halfway point of the 200-hour Yoga TTC I'm pursuing. The overwhelming amount of information I am absorbing everyday from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. makes it hard to engage in  personal self-study, preventing me from gaining any sort of leverage on how my body and mind are reacting to the process.

Today I felt like an emotionally drained bus filled with pubescent teen girls hit me like a deer in the headlights. 

I weeped multiple times today surrendering to the, now emerging, emotions that have lived in my unconscious for God knows how long.

It wasn't until now that I realized this teacher training is so much more than just a course on how to become a yoga instructor. It complicates your beliefs, breaks you to reconstruct you, physically and mentally, softens you, and digs ever so quietly at the hardness you've unknowingly held in your unconscious. 

I had so much to share at the start of writing this but all I can think of now is how unreal I feel and how I should really just stop writing this to lay down and absorb more of this and myself. 

I hope you can see abruptness as being interestingly beautiful too.

Please stick around cause there's so much more to share with you.

See you in a few,

H